I need to give some background here, for those who don't read my Facebook status posts.
My son is 26 years old. His only exercise is walking the grounds where he works security. He weighs over 300 lbs, and several weeks ago had an accident at work that required treatment. It was discovered then that he had life-threateningly high blood pressure. He was prescribed medication and told he would have to get treated by a regular doctor to continue the medicine, but since he has no insurance, he wanted to try food supplements to keep his blood pressure down. We picked up what his friend had recommended, and I split the cost with him (he does have to pay for some of what he uses around here). Even though it was in the house, he admitted he wasn't using it as directed.
One week ago today, my husband and I went to do some shopping together, after my son complained of not feeling well in the morning. He made it sound like it was nothing serious, just a bit of stomach discomfort he was having. We got quite a bit done while we were out. When we came home, my son revealed he was feeling a heaviness in his chest, and that it occasionally traveled up into his throat. My husband's family has dealt with heart disease on his father's side, so we knew these were symptoms of a heart attack. I offered to take him to the hospital, but he said that he didn't think it was necessary. My husband told him he was going, like it or not.
Since my husband had to leave for work, I was obviously going to be the "ambulance driver." I took him down, and as soon as they heard the words "chest pain," the staff got my son prepped for an EKG. After that, he was then placed in a bed in the ER. I was with him the entire 5 hours. As it turns out, it was not his heart, but his pressure had again become too high because he had done nothing for it in 5 days. The doctor prescribed the medication he had been given originally, and strongly urged him to follow up with a clinic. He also made other recommendations, which my son has taken to heart.
The next day, Sunday, I really wanted to go to church, as health issues had kept us home the prior two weeks. Fatigued from the previous day's events, we attended services and went straight home. I sat like a lump on the sofa, then laid down there and tried to stay awake long enough to say goodbye to my husband when he left for work, which I was barely able to do. The last thing I remembered was the dog licking my bare toes and laying down in front of the couch. I did not wake up again until almost 4pm. The rest of the evening I couldn't seem to do anything, and felt like crying until I went to bed for the night.
I was supposed to go to a game with friends after work Monday, but the fatigue from the weekend just stayed with me all day, so I had to call and cancel at the last minute. I even worried about how well I would do on Wednesday, because we had Bible study and I didn't know if my energy would last the night, but I made it there and home okay. Thursday, I had promised to work with my son on his walking per the doctor's recommendation and a friend's suggestion to help me with my own condition, so even though I was tired, we walked twice around our block, a total of 30 minutes.
Friday morning came, and my head and neck were giving me serious pain. I took some medication and laid back down, hoping to be able to go in late to work. By the time it was time to call in, I suspected I wasn't going to make it. I also felt the fatigue affecting my body as well. I finally ended up taking a larger dose of medicine than I like to take, only to end up feeling doped up, as I expected it would do. I wasn't feeling the pain anymore, but now I was sleepy and fatigued.
This morning, I woke up feeling somewhat okay, but as the morning has worn on, I have felt my pain returning in my neck, which means I'll have to take another doping dose of my medicine in order to function halfway. I have also felt some residual fatigue, so I know I won't be able to go walking this evening with my son. I'm hoping to go with him tomorrow, unless he walks by himself tonight, which means he and I will walk on Monday.
It seems I am rather cranky today, along with the pain and fatigue, and can't help feeling like crying again. It's almost as if I'm going through this cyclically. I just want this to stop so that I can go back to being my positive self, not this "woe-is-me" person I seem to be becoming. I am also upset at the thought that much of my blog posts have been somewhat depressing, and not seeming to me to help much with education on my condition, which was part of my original hope. In fact, some of what I wanted to study about fibromyalgia remains unread, as I have been dealing with life and not finding much brain power available for study, especially this past week.
If only Calgon really could take me away. Even if "he" could, I don't know that it would help much.
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
From Ignorance to Understanding
It has been a while since my last blog entry, so I thought it was time to touch base again. I've decided to start this off with the history of my "evolution of understanding" of FM.
When I first heard, in the course of my work, there was a disorder by the name fibromyalgia, I had no clue about what it was or how severe it could be. By the sound of the name, I concluded it probably had something to do with muscle or nerve fibers, and some form of pain. I did not know what the source or cause of the pain could be, or what body parts were affected.
Any time we have doctors providing a new diagnosis that we are not familiar with and cannot get info about through our own resources, we generally tend to send people to doctors our agency pays for, to get a second opinion and get more information about the disease. When that was the case for this disorder, I sent a few patients to doctors for additional information. In some cases, the doctors felt there was no reason the patient could not work, while in others, the doctors felt the patient needed much more time off and should be evaluated for what they believed would be a more definitive diagnosis. I believe they were looking for traditional diagnoses like lupus, osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, or something similar to these, since so many symptoms of fibromyalgia mimic these conditions.
In one instance, I happened to speak with one of the doctors we use. He described fibromyalgia as, in his opinion, a psychosomatic "designer diagnosis" in which the patient would benefit much more from psychiatric care than treatment with an internist. At the time, not knowing much at all about the disorder, I accepted his evaluation almost as gospel, and began viewing claims with this diagnosis with a more critical eye. I wanted to send these patients to psychiatric evaluations, based on what that doctor told me, but the rules state we can only send them to the type of doctor that would normally treat the defined illness or injury, which was always either an internist or rheumatologist.
Not realizing I was already showing signs of this very illness, I began to believe that these patients were either faking or manifesting symptoms due to some deep-seeded emotional issues they weren't dealing with. It took several years for this opinion to change, through training and resource updates, along with what I learned through personal interviews with affected patients. I eventually came to realize how seriously this condition affects people, and noted (as found in my research once I was diagnosed) that it affects women more often than men.
After realizing that FM was a definite, often debilitating, genuine diagnosis, but before knowing I had it, I met a lady at the church we attended who has it. I was cautioned not to hug her too tight, as she is often in a lot of pain. I later met another woman with it, when I began participating in a monthly game with some ladies in the community. Then a woman transferred to our office who had been diagnosed with it as well, and I started to see the daily struggles of a fibromyalgia sufferer. I really felt for her, because I could see her struggling to continue to work a regular schedule, but often being struck down either by the associated depression or just debilitating pain that would not allow her to continue to work during the course of a day. She became one of my primary resources when I began to research after my initial diagnosis, and shared with me that yet another woman I already knew, who worked as a manager in another office, also has FM. I have been amazed at the number of people I am acquainted with or know, who have this condition besides myself.
Me and my coworker/co-sufferer.
In speaking with my coworker, I came to find that her path to understanding the disorder was not much different than my own. In fact, we joked about "payback," finding humor in the somberness of our condition. She shared with me some of the odd symptoms she had had early on, and how, like me, she didn't think her symptoms lined up well enough for it to be FM, but later found they were just early signs of the disease, which now is quite evident to her. We have in common that we denied having this condition initially, and later had to face facts about it being a part of our lives. She has even shared with me a bit of the history of her going through the rule-out phase, which was a bit different than mine because she gets her care through a medical group, while my care is through a private practice doctor. Each has a different method of doing what results in the same thing; evaluation, diagnosis, treatment.
I have also spoken with the lady in the group I participate with for a monthly get-together, in which we play a game (Bunco, sort of like Yahtzee but not). She has shared of some others she knows with FM and are in much worse shape than we are, and the stories she shared quite honestly, have made me very nervous. I have tried to speak with my church friend about it, but she seems to be reluctant, most likely because many of us find ourselves becoming unreasonably depressed when the realization comes across us about how much worse things could get or have become. To explain; one of the clients who I have encountered recently, appears to be close to the point of being permanently disabled from working due to the severity of her pain. She has to take narcotics to dull the pain, and is still so miserable it is hard for her to get out of bed. It is a horrifying thought to think that I might end up in just as much pain, if the symptoms progress.
Finally, I am realizing how widespread FM is, because even since becoming a member of a social networking site, I have encountered several women who have it, at varying degrees. I have been hoping that I would meet more through my blog, but so far no one has come forward to comment about their own condition and share how it has affected them.
Many of my posts to now have been going over things from a historical perspective, to explain how I came to determine my topic for a blog of any kind and why I believe I should write this blog. From this point on, I expect my posts to be about what I experience as a result of having this, including symptoms, nuggets of wisdom through self-education, and interaction with others in the FM community. If you feel you have something to contribute to discussions on this topic, or even simple words of encouragement, by all means please leave a comment below. Feedback is most definitely welcome!
When I first heard, in the course of my work, there was a disorder by the name fibromyalgia, I had no clue about what it was or how severe it could be. By the sound of the name, I concluded it probably had something to do with muscle or nerve fibers, and some form of pain. I did not know what the source or cause of the pain could be, or what body parts were affected.
Any time we have doctors providing a new diagnosis that we are not familiar with and cannot get info about through our own resources, we generally tend to send people to doctors our agency pays for, to get a second opinion and get more information about the disease. When that was the case for this disorder, I sent a few patients to doctors for additional information. In some cases, the doctors felt there was no reason the patient could not work, while in others, the doctors felt the patient needed much more time off and should be evaluated for what they believed would be a more definitive diagnosis. I believe they were looking for traditional diagnoses like lupus, osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, or something similar to these, since so many symptoms of fibromyalgia mimic these conditions.
In one instance, I happened to speak with one of the doctors we use. He described fibromyalgia as, in his opinion, a psychosomatic "designer diagnosis" in which the patient would benefit much more from psychiatric care than treatment with an internist. At the time, not knowing much at all about the disorder, I accepted his evaluation almost as gospel, and began viewing claims with this diagnosis with a more critical eye. I wanted to send these patients to psychiatric evaluations, based on what that doctor told me, but the rules state we can only send them to the type of doctor that would normally treat the defined illness or injury, which was always either an internist or rheumatologist.
Not realizing I was already showing signs of this very illness, I began to believe that these patients were either faking or manifesting symptoms due to some deep-seeded emotional issues they weren't dealing with. It took several years for this opinion to change, through training and resource updates, along with what I learned through personal interviews with affected patients. I eventually came to realize how seriously this condition affects people, and noted (as found in my research once I was diagnosed) that it affects women more often than men.
After realizing that FM was a definite, often debilitating, genuine diagnosis, but before knowing I had it, I met a lady at the church we attended who has it. I was cautioned not to hug her too tight, as she is often in a lot of pain. I later met another woman with it, when I began participating in a monthly game with some ladies in the community. Then a woman transferred to our office who had been diagnosed with it as well, and I started to see the daily struggles of a fibromyalgia sufferer. I really felt for her, because I could see her struggling to continue to work a regular schedule, but often being struck down either by the associated depression or just debilitating pain that would not allow her to continue to work during the course of a day. She became one of my primary resources when I began to research after my initial diagnosis, and shared with me that yet another woman I already knew, who worked as a manager in another office, also has FM. I have been amazed at the number of people I am acquainted with or know, who have this condition besides myself.
Me and my coworker/co-sufferer.
In speaking with my coworker, I came to find that her path to understanding the disorder was not much different than my own. In fact, we joked about "payback," finding humor in the somberness of our condition. She shared with me some of the odd symptoms she had had early on, and how, like me, she didn't think her symptoms lined up well enough for it to be FM, but later found they were just early signs of the disease, which now is quite evident to her. We have in common that we denied having this condition initially, and later had to face facts about it being a part of our lives. She has even shared with me a bit of the history of her going through the rule-out phase, which was a bit different than mine because she gets her care through a medical group, while my care is through a private practice doctor. Each has a different method of doing what results in the same thing; evaluation, diagnosis, treatment.
I have also spoken with the lady in the group I participate with for a monthly get-together, in which we play a game (Bunco, sort of like Yahtzee but not). She has shared of some others she knows with FM and are in much worse shape than we are, and the stories she shared quite honestly, have made me very nervous. I have tried to speak with my church friend about it, but she seems to be reluctant, most likely because many of us find ourselves becoming unreasonably depressed when the realization comes across us about how much worse things could get or have become. To explain; one of the clients who I have encountered recently, appears to be close to the point of being permanently disabled from working due to the severity of her pain. She has to take narcotics to dull the pain, and is still so miserable it is hard for her to get out of bed. It is a horrifying thought to think that I might end up in just as much pain, if the symptoms progress.
Finally, I am realizing how widespread FM is, because even since becoming a member of a social networking site, I have encountered several women who have it, at varying degrees. I have been hoping that I would meet more through my blog, but so far no one has come forward to comment about their own condition and share how it has affected them.
Many of my posts to now have been going over things from a historical perspective, to explain how I came to determine my topic for a blog of any kind and why I believe I should write this blog. From this point on, I expect my posts to be about what I experience as a result of having this, including symptoms, nuggets of wisdom through self-education, and interaction with others in the FM community. If you feel you have something to contribute to discussions on this topic, or even simple words of encouragement, by all means please leave a comment below. Feedback is most definitely welcome!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Case History(?)
I decided it would be a good idea to provide a list of the different complaints I have had throughout the years, that are or could be symptoms associated with fibromyalgia.
Over the years, from childhood to now, I have been involved in a few auto collisions (obviously, not always as the driver). In those, there have been several times where my head, neck and back have been injured. Of course as a child and a youth, I had my share of other bumps and thumps and wounds, but what is pertinent to my case history is that there was at least one trauma in my life that caused a serious injury. I mention this because most people with fibromyalgia have had at least one serious physical trauma to their bodies before the syndrome began to manifest.
As a teen, I became plagued with a chronic fatigue and recurrence of illnesses similar to the flu, in one instance having a flu virus that was serious enough to keep me home from school the entire week. Before I reached my 18th birthday, I was being tested for anemia, which was the only explanation my doctor had for my lack of energy and developing stomach problems. I was diagnosed with a nervous stomach, a precursor to an ulcer, and advised to avoid any food or drink that would trigger a flare up. It took some time for me to realize that coffee was a major trigger, because it took several minutes after consumption to have a flare.
When I hit puberty, I wished I hadn't, because it hit back pretty hard. I would have cramps that would double me over in pain early on, and they never seemed to ease up unless I had a heating pad over my abdomen and was loaded up on aspirin, acetaminophen or ibuprofen. When I started working, there were days when it was so painful I would have to call in sick.
In high school, I developed a strange pain in my jaw that would stop me in my tracks whenever it came on me. The best way I have to describe it is that it feels like someone taking the sharpest needle they can find, and pushing it through the bend in my lower jaw, trying to come up from the lower, outside portion into the center of the top of the bend. I was told when my son was young that it was temporal mandibular joint syndrome (TMJ). I recently had a major flare of attacks that went on for weeks, having several every day that would last for a few minutes at each onset. It also seems to come on me more when I have incidents of jaw popping (the joint popping in and out of place), especially if my muscles are tense and I need to open the jaw a bit wider than the muscles want to let it.
I also had trouble from my youth on, with chronic migraines that seemed to just get worse as I got older. Stress aggravated the frequency and intensity, to the point where I would be praying for mercy if I had got to the point of losing my composure, because if a migraine was setting in, the emotional outburst seemed to multiply the intensity by the largest margin. At one point in my life, I was losing at least three days from work per month, due to the horrific pain.
In addition to losing time from work for the migraines and occasionally due to my cycle, I began having muscle spasms in my back. They started shortly after a fender bender in which I was rear ended. Sometimes my muscles would contract in my sleep, and the intense pain would wake me up writhing. Nothing would help alleviate the pain, no matter how many pain pills I took (even when I got a prescription from the doctor), and no position would grant any kind of relief, until the spasm subsided on its own. My husband wanted me to go to a chiropractor, but I was reluctant to because at the time, chiropractors were not considered the best in the medical field to seek care from. When my insurance decided they were good enough to allow coverage under, I decided it was at least worth a try and ended up consulting with one who happened to attend our church.
The chiropractic care has helped tremendously over the years, and soon after beginning treatment with my first chiropractor, I stopped having the late night spasms. Even so, I continued to have the other problems mentioned above, and have continued to develop even more problems since; numbness and tingling that run down my left arm all the way to my pinkie and ring finger after going through my elbow, more rarely down my right arm, plantar fasciitis (inflammation of the plantar tendon in the foot), "ghost" bruising (you feel like you have a bruise somewhere, or all over, yet there is no discoloration and you don't remember any kind of impact that would cause it), sharp pains and sometimes tingling pain on the outside edges of the feet, knee pain, and ankle pain. My most recent development which, in fact, just started happening yesterday, is a pain in the upper portion of the ear, which feels sort of like the ghost bruising but not quite the same; it's almost like the inside of the curl of the ear at the top was scraped. The plantar problem is about the only thing that has a real explanation for it, so is most likely not part of this syndrome, but I list it in case other sufferers have ever had this problem as well.
If any of this sounds like you, I would recommend you speak with your own doctor about doing the latest evaluation to determine if you may have this syndrome. If this sounds like anyone you know (particularly the pain symptoms), recommend they see a doctor for evaluation. In its own way, knowing what you have, even if nothing can be done for it, is a relief.
Over the years, from childhood to now, I have been involved in a few auto collisions (obviously, not always as the driver). In those, there have been several times where my head, neck and back have been injured. Of course as a child and a youth, I had my share of other bumps and thumps and wounds, but what is pertinent to my case history is that there was at least one trauma in my life that caused a serious injury. I mention this because most people with fibromyalgia have had at least one serious physical trauma to their bodies before the syndrome began to manifest.
As a teen, I became plagued with a chronic fatigue and recurrence of illnesses similar to the flu, in one instance having a flu virus that was serious enough to keep me home from school the entire week. Before I reached my 18th birthday, I was being tested for anemia, which was the only explanation my doctor had for my lack of energy and developing stomach problems. I was diagnosed with a nervous stomach, a precursor to an ulcer, and advised to avoid any food or drink that would trigger a flare up. It took some time for me to realize that coffee was a major trigger, because it took several minutes after consumption to have a flare.
When I hit puberty, I wished I hadn't, because it hit back pretty hard. I would have cramps that would double me over in pain early on, and they never seemed to ease up unless I had a heating pad over my abdomen and was loaded up on aspirin, acetaminophen or ibuprofen. When I started working, there were days when it was so painful I would have to call in sick.
In high school, I developed a strange pain in my jaw that would stop me in my tracks whenever it came on me. The best way I have to describe it is that it feels like someone taking the sharpest needle they can find, and pushing it through the bend in my lower jaw, trying to come up from the lower, outside portion into the center of the top of the bend. I was told when my son was young that it was temporal mandibular joint syndrome (TMJ). I recently had a major flare of attacks that went on for weeks, having several every day that would last for a few minutes at each onset. It also seems to come on me more when I have incidents of jaw popping (the joint popping in and out of place), especially if my muscles are tense and I need to open the jaw a bit wider than the muscles want to let it.
I also had trouble from my youth on, with chronic migraines that seemed to just get worse as I got older. Stress aggravated the frequency and intensity, to the point where I would be praying for mercy if I had got to the point of losing my composure, because if a migraine was setting in, the emotional outburst seemed to multiply the intensity by the largest margin. At one point in my life, I was losing at least three days from work per month, due to the horrific pain.
In addition to losing time from work for the migraines and occasionally due to my cycle, I began having muscle spasms in my back. They started shortly after a fender bender in which I was rear ended. Sometimes my muscles would contract in my sleep, and the intense pain would wake me up writhing. Nothing would help alleviate the pain, no matter how many pain pills I took (even when I got a prescription from the doctor), and no position would grant any kind of relief, until the spasm subsided on its own. My husband wanted me to go to a chiropractor, but I was reluctant to because at the time, chiropractors were not considered the best in the medical field to seek care from. When my insurance decided they were good enough to allow coverage under, I decided it was at least worth a try and ended up consulting with one who happened to attend our church.
The chiropractic care has helped tremendously over the years, and soon after beginning treatment with my first chiropractor, I stopped having the late night spasms. Even so, I continued to have the other problems mentioned above, and have continued to develop even more problems since; numbness and tingling that run down my left arm all the way to my pinkie and ring finger after going through my elbow, more rarely down my right arm, plantar fasciitis (inflammation of the plantar tendon in the foot), "ghost" bruising (you feel like you have a bruise somewhere, or all over, yet there is no discoloration and you don't remember any kind of impact that would cause it), sharp pains and sometimes tingling pain on the outside edges of the feet, knee pain, and ankle pain. My most recent development which, in fact, just started happening yesterday, is a pain in the upper portion of the ear, which feels sort of like the ghost bruising but not quite the same; it's almost like the inside of the curl of the ear at the top was scraped. The plantar problem is about the only thing that has a real explanation for it, so is most likely not part of this syndrome, but I list it in case other sufferers have ever had this problem as well.
If any of this sounds like you, I would recommend you speak with your own doctor about doing the latest evaluation to determine if you may have this syndrome. If this sounds like anyone you know (particularly the pain symptoms), recommend they see a doctor for evaluation. In its own way, knowing what you have, even if nothing can be done for it, is a relief.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Just A Little Out of Sorts
So I'm at the doctor's office in October 2009, seeing my new doctor for the first time, and going over my medical history. I describe how I have noticed that lately I have been getting depressed about little things that didn't used to bother me. I also describe to him my general fatigue and how I can occasionally feel disinterested in things. I add descriptions of my different little aches and pains (migraines, chronic neck problems, chronic back pains), so he begins a physical exam that includes pressing on different joints. He asks if it hurts, and at first I say "no," because to say that slight twinge of pain 'hurts' feels like it would be lying. Then he touches my left knee. "OW." He looks at me again with concern, then starts the pressing over again; "does this hurt, even just a little bit?" This time I am more honest with him and myself; yes, it hurts. But hardly at all, except for that knee.
At this point, the doctor tells me his initial diagnosis, which quite literally took my breath away: Fibromyalgia. He ordered several blood tests because, as he put it, this is a diagnosis of exclusion, meaning he would have to rule pretty much everything else out in order to say for certain whether this was or wasn't what I have. Everything else came up negative, so there is no longer any doubt.
Allow me to give you a bit of my background: I am a female, in my late forties, and I work in a government office that pays insurance benefits to folks who are disabled, usually for only a short period of time. I have been doing this particular job for about 21 years, but I started working for the government 31 years ago. For the first six years of my son's life, I was a single mother, but for nearly twenty years I have been happily married to the man my son now calls "Pop" and "Dad."
I have been noticing for the past few years how it has become increasingly difficult to do many things I enjoy, along with doing things that really need to get done around the house. Originally, I didn't think anything of it, because I presumed it was just part of the aging process. Then I started realizing that many women who were older than me, were running circles around me in these areas, including my own mother, who is currently in her eighties. When she visited from out of state, I thought the reason I was getting so worn out was because I was exhausted from trying to get everything 'just right' before she arrived, and that I hadn't given myself an opportunity to relax. I remember wondering how she does it, the day she dragged me out to my yard to help me clean it up (on her vacation), and when we ran out of daylight, she insisted on baking cookies for my husband and my son, involving me in the process. She could have gone on all night, but before the first batch went into the oven, I was ready to fall into bed and rest my tired body. The next day, I took a handful of ibuprofen and steeled myself for all that I knew she would want to do. I was more tired when she left, than when she first got here.
When the doctor first uttered that 'F' word, I hesitantly looked for information in the resource material they provide at my job, as well as trying to find places to go online that would help me understand the disorder. I also started talking with a coworker who has been diagnosed with the same disorder. I thought at first that my symptoms didn't match up, until I had a lengthy conversation with my coworker about it. What she described to me about how this affected her early on, and even now, lines up almost exactly with what I've been experiencing. Now that I have started to come to terms with this diagnosis, I have decided to make an effort to try to share my thoughts and experiences about this with all of you through this blog, hoping that this form of 'self-therapy' will also benefit others who are coming to terms with the same diagnosis, or suffer from any type of chronic pain. I plan to describe my journey in a bit more detail in my future blogs, in the hope that this will be as helpful for you as I intend.
Thanks for riding along.
At this point, the doctor tells me his initial diagnosis, which quite literally took my breath away: Fibromyalgia. He ordered several blood tests because, as he put it, this is a diagnosis of exclusion, meaning he would have to rule pretty much everything else out in order to say for certain whether this was or wasn't what I have. Everything else came up negative, so there is no longer any doubt.
Allow me to give you a bit of my background: I am a female, in my late forties, and I work in a government office that pays insurance benefits to folks who are disabled, usually for only a short period of time. I have been doing this particular job for about 21 years, but I started working for the government 31 years ago. For the first six years of my son's life, I was a single mother, but for nearly twenty years I have been happily married to the man my son now calls "Pop" and "Dad."
I have been noticing for the past few years how it has become increasingly difficult to do many things I enjoy, along with doing things that really need to get done around the house. Originally, I didn't think anything of it, because I presumed it was just part of the aging process. Then I started realizing that many women who were older than me, were running circles around me in these areas, including my own mother, who is currently in her eighties. When she visited from out of state, I thought the reason I was getting so worn out was because I was exhausted from trying to get everything 'just right' before she arrived, and that I hadn't given myself an opportunity to relax. I remember wondering how she does it, the day she dragged me out to my yard to help me clean it up (on her vacation), and when we ran out of daylight, she insisted on baking cookies for my husband and my son, involving me in the process. She could have gone on all night, but before the first batch went into the oven, I was ready to fall into bed and rest my tired body. The next day, I took a handful of ibuprofen and steeled myself for all that I knew she would want to do. I was more tired when she left, than when she first got here.
When the doctor first uttered that 'F' word, I hesitantly looked for information in the resource material they provide at my job, as well as trying to find places to go online that would help me understand the disorder. I also started talking with a coworker who has been diagnosed with the same disorder. I thought at first that my symptoms didn't match up, until I had a lengthy conversation with my coworker about it. What she described to me about how this affected her early on, and even now, lines up almost exactly with what I've been experiencing. Now that I have started to come to terms with this diagnosis, I have decided to make an effort to try to share my thoughts and experiences about this with all of you through this blog, hoping that this form of 'self-therapy' will also benefit others who are coming to terms with the same diagnosis, or suffer from any type of chronic pain. I plan to describe my journey in a bit more detail in my future blogs, in the hope that this will be as helpful for you as I intend.
Thanks for riding along.
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